Stuntman Mike: "The woods are lovely, dark and deep and I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep".

Stuntman Mike: Do I frighten you? Is it my scar?
Arlene: It's your car.

Pam: Hey, Warren! Is there anybody in this place you could vouch
for to give me a ride home?
Stuntman Mike: Fair lady, your chariot awaits.

Stuntman Mike: Hey, Pam, remember when I said this car was death proof? Well, that wasn't a lie.This car is 100 percent death proof.
Only, to get the benefit of it honey, you really need to be sitting in my seat.

Arlene: Hold on, I gotta come up! I gotta take the world's biggest fuckin' piss!

Shanna: Do guys like "the thing"?
Arlene: Well, they like it better than "no-thing".

Arlene: Have you been following us?
Stuntman Mike: Nope. But that's what I like about Austin. It's so damn small.
Jungle Julia: You've seen this guy before?
Arlene: I saw him outside of Guero's.
Stuntman Mike: I saw you outside of Guero's too.
You saw my car, I saw your legs.
I ain't stalkin' y'all, but I didn't say I wasn't a wolf.
Arlene: So you really weren't following us?
Stuntman Mike: I wasn't following you, Butterfly, I just got lucky.

Stuntman Mike: Are you famous or something?
Jungle Julia: Or something.

Zoe: You're not fuckin' em, you're not suckin' em, you're not giving him any tongue. But Daryl Hannah's stand in is.[L'ultima frase è presa dalla versione Double Feature] You know some cultures might say he made the wiser choice.

Lee: You carry a gun?
Kim: Uh-huh.
Lee: Do you have a licence to carry it?
Kim: Yeah, when I became a secret service agent, they gave me a licence.
Lee: I didn't know you were a...
I didn't say it! Stop looking at me!
I didn't say it!
Did you know Kim carries a gun?
Abernathy: Yes. Do I approve, no. Do I know, yes.
Kim: Look, I don't know what futuristic Utopia you live in, but the world I live in, a bitch needs a gun.
Abernathy: You can't get around the fact that people who carry guns tend to get shot more than people who don't.
Kim: And you can't get around the fact, that if I go down to the laundry room in my building at midnight enough times, I might get my ass raped.
Lee: Don't do your laundry at midnight.
Kim: Fuck that! I wanna do my laundry whenever the fuck I wanna do my laundry.
Abernathy: There's other things you can carry other than a gun. Pepper spray.
Kim: Motherfucker try to rape me, I don't wanna give him a skin rash.
I wanna shut that nigga down.
Abernathy: What about a knife at least?
Kim: You know what happens to motherfucker's carry knives? They get shot!

Stuntman MIke: Hey! Ladies! That was fun! Well...Adios!

Stuntman Mike: There are few things fetching as a bruised ego on a beautiful angel.

Pam: Is that cowboy wisdom?
Stuntman Mike: I'm not a cowboy, Pam. I'm a stuntman.

Stuntman Mike: Now I gotta catch me my other girlfriends.

Abernathy: You best get yo' ass off Kim's car.
Lee: I've seen Kim sit on it before.
Abernathy: Her ass ain't yo' ass.

Stuntman Mike: So, how about that lapdance?
Arlene: What's your name again?
Stuntman Mike: Stuntman Mike.
Arlene: Well, Stuntman Mike, I'm Butterfly. My friend Jungle Julia over here says that jukebox inside is pretty impressive.
Stuntman Mike: Yeah, it is.
Arlene: Yeah? Why don't you go get ready for your lapdance?
[Il seguente dialogo è tratto da una scena eliminata]
Hey, Mike.
Stuntman Mike: Yeah?
Arlene: No touch.
Stuntman Mike: No.
Arlene: I touch you, you don't touch me.
Stuntman Mike: I know.
Arlene: Good.

Kim: Hey good looking! We'll be back to pick you up later!
Lee: Gulp

Abernathy: Hello sir! What's your name?
Jasper: Jasper.
Abernathy: Hello Jasper, I'm Abernathy.
Jasper: Aber- what?
Abernathy: Abernathy.
Jasper: But what's your first name?
Abernathy: That is my first name.
Jasper: What kind of first name is that?
Abernathy: You know what, why don't you just call me Abby.
Jasper: Okay.
Abernathy: I was wondering if my friends and I could take the car out on our own just to see if we feel comfortable in it.
Jasper: Why would I do something stupid like that?
Abernathy: To better sell your automobile.
Jasper: How do I know you're not just gonna steal it?
Abernathy: Four reasons. One: we are not thieves. Two: that would be rude. Three: We are staying at the Day's Inn in town, you can check with them, we are registered for the next month. Well, Zoe's not, but Kim and I are so we are totally track downable.
Jasper: Who's Kim? The colored girl?
Abernathy: Yes, Kim would be the girl of color. And four and most importantly, that will give you a chance to get to know our other friend, Lee.
Jasper: She looks kinda familiar
Abernathy: That is because she is a famous actress. We are making a Hollywood movie here in town
Jasper: Why's she dressed like that?
Abernathy: Because it's a cheerleader movie and she's one of the cheerleaders.
Jasper: What's a cheerleader movie?
Abernathy: A movie about cheerleaders.
Jasper: Is it a porno movie?
Abernathy: *Yes*! It is! But don't mention it. She's shy.

Kim: I'm the horniest muthafucka on the road!

Kim: Now, what did you say after the last time?
Zoe: Look, I know what I said...
Kim: What did you say?
Zoe: I know I said we shouldn't do this again...
Kim: No! You didn't say we shouldn't, you said we ain't ever gonna do that again.
Zoe: Yeah, but...
Kim: But, my ass! You said not only are we never gonna play "ships mast" again, but you also said that if you ever do what you're trying to do now, to not only refuse, but that I had permission to physically restrain your ass if necessary. Now, did you or did you not say that?
Zoe: What...!
Kim: No, no, no, no! Answer the question, muthafucker! Did you or did you not say that?
Zoe: Yes, I said that. However...
Kim: Whatever witch your however.

Stuntman Mike: Get ready to fly, bitch!

Pam: So how exactly does one become a stuntman?
Stuntman Mike: Well, in Hollywood, anyone fool enough to throw themselves down a flight of stairs can usually find someone to you for it. But really, I got into the business the was most people get into the stunt business.
Pam: How's that?
Stuntman Mike: My brother got me in it.
Pam: Who's your brother?
Stuntman Mike: Stuntman Bob.

[Il seguente dialogo è tratto da una scena eliminata]
Stuntman Mike: Your feet are going to get wet.
Jungle Julia: I haven't given you permission to concern yourself with my feet

Pam: So what’s your name icy?
Stuntman Mike: Stuntman Mike.
Pam: Stuntman Mike's your name.
Stuntman Mike: You ask anybody.
Pam: Hey Warren, Who is this guy?
Warren: Stuntman Mike.
Pam: And who the hell is Stuntman Mike?
Warren: He's a Stuntman.

Jungle Julia: But maybe a little later in the evening, you've had a few drinks, you're kind of losey gosey, you're safe with your girls. Then some kinda cute, kinda hot, kinda sexy, hysterically funny but not funny looking guy comes over and says it - then maybe you did it earlier and maybe you didn't.

Stuntman Mike: You know how people say, YOU'RE OKAY IN MY BOOK, or AND IN MY BOOK THAT'S NO GOOD. Well, I actually have... a book. And everybody I ever met goes in this book. And now I've met you, and... YOU'RE GOING IN THE BOOK TOO. Unfortunately, now I'm gonna have to file you under chicken... shit.

Stuntman Mike: Well Pam, which way you goin' left or right?
Pam: Right.
Stuntman Mike: Ah, that's too bad.
Pam: Why?
Stuntman Mike: Well, because there was a 50/50 shot on whether you'd be going left. You see, we're both going left. You could have just as easily been going left too and if that was the case, it would have been awhile before you started getting scared. But since you're going the other way, I'm afraid you're gonna have to start getting scared... immediately.

Jungle Julia: I think you got Mike laid tonight. Looking good, Cannonball Run!
Pam: He's just giving me a ride.
Jungle Julia: Oh, no doubt.
Arlene: Have a nice ride.
Pam: Look, double-fucks...I am not gonna fuck him!
Stuntman Mike: I can hear you!
Pam: He's old enough to be my da...
Stuntman Mike: I can still hear you!
Pam: Bye!

Arlene: Who do you want to hear?
Jungle Julia: Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Tich.
Arlene: Who?
Jungle Julia: Dave, Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mitch and Tich.
Arlene: Who the fuck are they?
Jungle Julia: For your information, Pete Townsend, at one point, almost quit The Who. And if he had, he would have ended up in this group, thus making it Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick, Tich and Pete. And if you ask me, he should have.
That's my boy!

Pam: Are you sure it's safe?
Stuntman Mike: It's better than safe. It's death proof.

Warren the Bartender: A drink so good they named a color after it.
...
Warren the Bartender: Shots first, questions later!

Stuntman Mike: I'm sorry!
Kim: What?
Stuntman Mike: I didn't mean to, I was just... playing around!
Zoë: Oooh, he was playing around...
Kim: BUT I AIN'T PLAYING WITH YOU!
...

Kim: Oh, you know I can't let you go without tapping that ass... one...
Abernathy: Kim?
Kim: ...more...
Zoë: Uhmm, Kim?
Kim: ...TIME!

Dov: Dude, check it out. I wonder if BJ brought the bear with him.
Omar: Jesus.
Dov: East bound and down...
Dude fucking cut himself falling out of his time machine.

Nate: I was thinking we can make out?
Arlene: What, on a porch? Not even in the bar, but in front of the entrance? Forget it.
Nate: No, in my car!
Arlene: What, out there? It's fucking 'Nam out there.
Nate: Not in my car, it's not. Look, you won't get wet. I promise you.
Arlene: You know, most guys wouldn't brag about that.

Abernathy: Let's kill that bastard.