Drexl: Marty. Y'know what we got here? Motherfuckin' Charlie Bronson. Mr. Majestyk.
Marty: He's askin' about Alabama.
Drexl: Where the fuck is that bitch?
Clarence: She's with me.
Drexl: Who the fuck are you?
Clarence: I'm her husband.
Drexl: Well, that makes us practically related.

Vincenzo Coccotti: Sicilians are great liars. The best in the world. I'm Sicilian. My father was the world heavy-weight champion of Sicilian liars. From growing up with him I learned the pantomime. There are seventeen different things a guy can do when he lies to give himself away. A guys got seventeen pantomimes. A woman's got twenty, but a guy's got seventeen... but, if you know them, like you know your own face, they beat lie detectors all to hell. Now, what we got here is a little game of show and tell. You don't wanna show me nothin', but you're tellin me everything. I know you know where they are, so tell me before I do some damage you won't walk away from.

Clarence: Eliot, do I look like a beautiful blonde with big tits and an ass that tastes like French vanilla ice cream?
Elliot: What?
Clarence: I said do I look like a beautiful blonde with big big tits and an ass that tastes like French vanilla ice cream?
Elliot: No.
Clarence: No. Okay, then why are you telling me all this bullshit, huh? You wanna fuck me?

Clarence: I always said, if I had to fuck a guy... I mean had to, if my life depended on it... I'd fuck Elvis.

Lee: What does Joe like?
Elliot: Um..."Body Bags 2".
Lee: Oooo, that's imaginative. I've got more taste in my penis.

Lee: Who the fuck is Dick?
Elliot: Huh? You want me to suck his dick?

Clifford Worley: You're Sicilian, huh?
Coccotti: Yeah, Sicilian.
Clifford Worley: Ya know, I read a lot. Especially about things... about history. I find that shit fascinating. Here's a fact I don't know whether you know or not. Sicilians were spawned by niggers.
Coccotti: Come again?
Clifford Worley: It's a fact. Yeah. You see, uh, Sicilians have, uh, black blood pumpin' through their hearts. Hey, no, if eh, if eh, if you don't believe me, uh, you can look it up. Hundreds and hundreds of years ago, uh, you see, uh, the Moors conquered Sicily. And the Moors are niggers.
Coccotti: Yes...
Clifford Worley: So you see, way back then, uh, Sicilians were like, uh, wops from Northern Italy. Ah, they all had blonde hair and blue eyes, but, uh, well, then the Moors moved in there, and uh, well, they changed the whole country. They did so much fuckin' with Sicilian women, huh? That they changed the whole bloodline forever. That's why blonde hair and blue eyes became black hair and dark skin. You know, it's absolutely amazing to me to think that to this day, hundreds of years later, that, uh, that Sicilians still carry that nigger gene. Now this...
No, I'm, no, I'm quoting... history. It's written. It's a fact, it's written.
Coccotti: I love this guy.
Clifford Worley: Your ancestors are niggers. Uh-huh.
Hey. Yeah. And, and your great-great-great-great grandmother fucked a nigger, ho, ho, yeah, and she had a half-nigger kid... now, if that's a fact, tell me, am I lying? 'Cause you, you're part eggplant.
Vincenzo Coccotti: You're a cantaloupe.

Virgil: Now the first time you kill somebody, that's the hardest. I don't give a shit if you're fuckin' Wyatt Earp or Jack the Ripper. Remember that guy in Texas? The guy up in that fuckin' tower that killed all them people? I'll bet you green money that first little black dot he took a bead on, that was the bitch of the bunch. First one is tough, no fuckin' foolin'. The second one... the second one ain't no fuckin' Mardis Gras either, but it's better than the first one 'cause you still feel the same thing, y'know... except it's more diluted, y'know it's... it's better. I threw up on the first one, you believe that? Then the third one... the third one is easy, you level right off. It's no problem. Now... shit... now I do it just to watch their fuckin' expression change.

Clarence: If there's one thing this last week has taught me, it's better to have a gun and not need it than to need a gun and not have it.

Alabama: Amid the chaos of that day, when all I could hear was the thunder of gunshots, and all I could smell was the violence in the air, I look back and am amazed that my thoughts were so clear and true, that three words went through my mind endlessly, repeating themselves like a broken record: you're so cool, you're so cool, you're so cool. And sometimes Clarence asks me what I would have done if he had died, if that bullet had been two inches more to the left. To this, I always smile, as if I'm not going to satisfy him with a response. But I always do. I tell him of how I would want to die, but that the anguish and the want of death would fade like the stars at dawn, and that things would be much as they are now. Perhaps. Except maybe I wouldn't have named our son Elvis.

Coccotti: I haven't killed anybody since 1984. Goddamn his soul to burn for eternity in fucking hell for making me get my hands dirty. Go over to this comedian's son's apartment, come back with something that tells me where that asshole went, so I can wipe this egg off my face and finish this fucked-up family for good.

Clarence: I can't tell you... that was one of the best times I ever had. It was. But, you know, I knew something must be rotten in Denmark. There was no way you could like me that much. Man, I can't tell you how relieved I was when you took off your dress, you... you didn't have a dick.

Elvis: I like you, Clarence. Always have. Always will.

Cody Nicholson: Man, this boy Clarence is a wild one, I like'em.

Alabama: I'm gonna go jump in the tub and get all slippery and soapy and then hop in that waterbed and watch X-rated movies 'till you get your ass back in my lovn' arms.

Virgil: Hi.
Alabama: Hi... cigarette?
Virgil: No... that's a very nice outfit.
Alabama: This? I got this in Las Vegas, Nevada.
Virgil: Alabama, where's our coke and where's Clarence, and when's he coming back?
Alabama: I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong room. My name is Saddie. We don't have any coke but there's a Pepsi machine down the hall.

Cody Nicholson: You just made it big time.
Nicky Dimes: You're no longer an extra...
Cody Nicholson: ...or a bit player...
Nicky Dimes: ...or a supporting actor...
Cody Nicholson: ...you're a fucking star. You are a fucking star. And you are going to be playing your one-man show for the next two fucking years for a captive audience. And listen to this, you get out in a few years and meet some old lady, get married, and you'll be so understanding to your wife's needs because you'll know what it feels like to be a woman.
Nicky Dimes: Of course, you'll only want to fuck her in the ass because that pussy wont be tight enough anymore.
Cody Nicholson: Good one detective, right you fucking faggot?

Virgil: All right, no more Mr Fucking Nice Guy.

Clarence: Heeeellloooo baaabbby!

Floyd: Don't condescend me, man. I'll fuckin' kill ya, man.

Dick Ritchie: I don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out. All I got is fuckin' Floyd.

Big Don: I eat the pussy, I eat the butt, I eat every motherfuckin' thang.

Elliot: Hi. How are you? My name's Elliot, and I'm with the Cub Scouts of America. We're... we're selling uncut cocaine to get to the jamboree.