Joe: So, you guys like to tell jokes, huh? Gigglin' and laughin' like a bunch of young broads sittin' in a schoolyard. Well, let me tell a joke. Four guys, sittin' in a bullpen, in San Quentin. All wondering how the fuck they got there. What should we have done, what didn't we do, who's fault is it, is it my fault, your fault, his fault, all that bullshit.

Eddie: Did you see that daddy? Guy got me on the ground and he tried to fuck me.
Vic: You wish.
Eddie: Listen Vic, I don't mind what you do, but don't try to fuck me in my father's office, I don't think of you that way. I like you a lot man, but I don't think of you that way.
Vic: Eddie, if I was a butt cowboy, I wouldn't even throw you to the posse.
Eddie: Of course not, you'd keep me for yourself, you sick bastard. Four years of fuckin' punks up the ass you'd appreciate a piece of prime rib when you see one.

Marvin Nash: I do. Freddy... Freddy, how do I look?
Mr. Orange: I don't know what to tell you Marvin.
Marvin Nash: That fuck! That sick fuck! That fucking bastard!
Mr. Orange: Marvin, I need you to hold on. There's cops waiting less than a block away.
Marvin Nash: What the fuck are they waiting for? This fucking guy slashes my face, and he cuts my fucking ear off! I'm fucking deformed!
Mr. Orange: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! I'M FUCKIN' DYING HERE! I'M FUCKIN' DYING!

Mr. Blonde: Listen kid, I'm not gonna bullshit you, all right? I don't give a good fuck what you know, or don't know, but I'm gonna torture you anyway, regardless. Not to get information. It's amusing, to me, to torture a cop. You can say anything you want cause I've heard it all before. All you can do is pray for a quick death, which you ain't gonna get.

Mr. Brown: O.K., let me tell you what Like a Virgin's about. It's all about this cooze who's a regular fuck machine, I'm talking morning, day, night, afternoon, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick.
Mr. Blue: How many dicks is that?
Mr. White: A lot.
Mr. Brown: Then one day she meets this John Holmes motherfucker and it's like, whoa baby, I mean this cat is like Charles Bronson in the Great Escape, he's digging tunnels. Now, she's gettin' the serious dick action and she's feeling something she ain't felt since forever. Pain. Pain. It hurts her. It shouldn't hurt her, you know her pussy should be Bubble Yum by now, but when this cat fucks her it hurts. It hurts just like it did the first time. You see the pain is reminding a fuck machine what it once was like to be a virgin. Hence, "Like a virgin.

Nice Guy Eddie: C'mon, throw in a buck!
Mr. Pink: Uh-uh, I don't tip.
Nice Guy Eddie: You don't tip?
Mr. Pink: Nah, I don't believe in it.
Nice Guy Eddie: You don't believe in tipping?
Mr. Blue: You know what these chicks make? They make shit.
Mr. Pink: Don't give me that. She don't make enough money that she can quit.
Nice Guy Eddie: I don't even know a fucking Jew who'd have the balls to say that. Let me get this straight: you don't ever tip?
Mr. Pink: I don't tip because society says I have to. All right, if someone deserves a tip, if they really put forth an effort, I'll give them something a little something extra. But this tipping automatically, it's for the birds. As far as I'm concerned, they're just doing their job.
Mr. Blue: Hey, our girl was nice.
Mr. Pink: She was okay. She wasn't anything special.
Mr. Blue: What's special? Take you in the back and suck your dick?

Mr. Pink: Why am I Mr. Pink?
Joe: 'Cause you're a faggot, all right?

Marvin Nash: I already told you I don't know anything about any fucking setup; you can torture me all you want.
Mr. Blonde: Torture you? That's a good idea. I like that one.

Joe: All right ramblers, let's get rambling!

Mr. Brown: Mr. Brown? That 's a little too close to Mr. Shit?
Mr. Pink: And Mr. Pink to Mr. Pussy.

Mr. Pink: Somebody's shoved a red-hot poker up our ass, and I want to know whose name is on the handle!

Nice Guy Eddie: Ain't that a sad sight, Daddy, the man walks in the prison a white man, walks out talkin' like a fuckin' nigger. You know what, I think it's all that black semen been pumped up your ass so far, now it's backed into your fuckin brain, and it's coming out your mouth!
Mr. Blonde: Eddie, if you don't stop talking like a bitch, I'm gonna slap you like a bitch.

Mr. Blonde: Are you gonna bark all day, little doggy, or are you gonna bite?

Mr. Blonde: Boy that was really exciting. I bet you're a big Lee Marvin fan aren't ya. Yeah me too. I love that guy. My heart's beatin' so fast I'm about to have a heart attack

Mr. Blonde: Hey Joe, you want me to shoot this guy?
Mr. White: Shit... You shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize.

Mr. White: The choice between doing ten years and taking out some stupid motherfucker, ain't no choice at all. But I ain't no madman.

Mr. White: Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam.
Mr. Blonde: Yeah, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. I told 'em not to touch the alarm, they touched it. If they hadn't done what I told 'em not to do, they'd still be alive.
Mr. White: My fucking hero.
Mr. Blonde: Thanks.

Mr. Pink: I don't wanna kill anybody. But if I gotta get out that door, and you're standing in my way, one way or the other, you're gettin' outta my way.

Nice Guy Eddie: If you fucking beat this prick long enough, he'll tell you he started the goddamn Chicago fire, now that don't necessarily make it fucking so!

Mr. Pink: You're acting like a first year fucking thief! I'm acting like a professional!

Mr. Pink: What was the name of the chick who played Christie Love?
Nice Guy Eddie: Pam Grier.
Mr. Orange: No it wasn't Pam Grier. Pam Grier was the other one. Pam Grier did the film. Christie Love was like Pam Grier TV Show without Pam Grier.
Mr. Pink: So who was Christie Love?
Mr. Orange: How the fuck should I know?
Mr. Pink: Great. Now I'm totally fucking tortured.

Mr. Blonde: You kids shouldn't play so rough. Somebody's gonna start cryin'.

Marvin Nash: Please, Please, Don't burn me, man.
Mr. Blonde: You all through? You all through?
Marvin Nash: Look, I... I got a little kid at home, now PLEASE.
Mr. Blonde: No, no, no, no, no, no. You all done? You all done? Have some fire, scarecrow.

Mr. White: You ain't dying, he is.
Nice Guy Eddie: Ok, Mr. Fucking Compassion! I will call somebody!
Mr. White: Who?
Nice Guy Eddie: A fucking snake charmer