Seth: I may be a bastard, but I'm not a fuckin' bastard.

Seth: All right, vampire killers... let's kill some fucking vampires.

Seth: Everybody be cool. YOU be cool.

Seth: So, what's the deal with you two, you a couple of fags?
Jacob: He's my son.
Seth: Yeah, how'd that happen? You don't look Japanese.
Jacob: Neither does he. He looks Chinese.

Kate: Richie, would you do me a favor and eat my pussy for me... please?
Richie: Uhh... sure.

Chet Pussy: All right, pussy, pussy, pussy! Come on in pussy lovers! Here at the Titty Twister we're slashing pussy in half! Give us an offer on our vast selection of pussy, this is a pussy blow out! All right, we got white pussy, black pussy, Spanish pussy, yellow pussy, we got hot pussy, cold pussy, we got wet pussy, we got
smelly pussy, we got hairy pussy, bloody pussy, we got snappin' pussy, we got silk pussy, velvet pussy, Naugahyde pussy, we even got horse pussy, dog pussy, chicken pussy! Come on, you want pussy, come on in, pussy lovers! If we don't got it, you don't want it! Come on in, pussy lovers! Attention pussy shoppers! Take advantage of our penny pussy sale! If you buy one piece of pussy at the regular price, you get another piece of pussy of equal or lesser value for only a penny! Try and beat pussy for a penny! If you can find cheaper pussy anywhere else, fuck it!

Santanico Pandemonium: I'm not gonna drain you completely. You're gonna turn for me. You'll be my slave. You'll live for me. You'll eat bugs because I order it. Why? Because I don't think you're worthy of human blood. You'll feed on the blood of stray dogs. You'll be my foot stool. And at my command, you'll lick the dog shit from my boot heel. Since you'll be my dog, your new name will be "Spot". Welcome to slavery.
Seth: No, thanks. I've already had a wife.

Kate: Where are you taking us?
Richie: Mexico.
Kate: What's in Mexico?
Richie: Mexicans.

Seth: You. Plant yourself in that chair.
Hostage Gloria: What are you planning on doing with...
Seth: I said plant yourself. Plants don't talk.
Let me explain the house rules. Follow the rules, we'll get along like a house on fire. Rule number one: No noise, no question. You make a noise...
Mr. .44 makes a noise. You ask a question, Mr. 44 answers it. If you try to run, I've got six little friends and they can all run faster than you can.

Old Timer: God damn you, God damn you... what the hell you want?
Seth: What do you think I want, you mean old bastard? I want a fucking room.
Old Timer: OK, all right.

Richie: Do they have the X-rated channels?
Seth: No
Richie: Do they have HBO?
Seth: No.
Richie: Do they have a waterbed?
Seth: Nope.
Richie: Well what do they got?
Seth: They have four walls and a bed and that's all we need.

Earl McGraw: Jesus H. Christ, Pete. When you gonna learn that microwave food'll kill you faster than a bullet? I mean, them damn burritos ain't good for nothing but a hippie, when he's high on weed.

Sex Machine: Now, let's kill that fucking band.

Chet Pussy: You know what they say about me? I suck!